Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
