3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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