this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
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