he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize