i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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