Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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