ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
