did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
