Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
