I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
