the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
