Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
