So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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