the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
