he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
