how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
