alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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