i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
