We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
