So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
