Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I currently don't understand fingers.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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