TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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