It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
