none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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