I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize