a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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