My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
