it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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