Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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