she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
