Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
