Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Thank you for not boning my boss.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
