More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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