TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
