I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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