Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
