is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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