is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize