think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
