I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
