the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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