I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
