Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
