I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm too high and old for this...
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
