Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize