matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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