He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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