Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
