My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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