I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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