I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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