did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You made out with two different species that night
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
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