it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
