If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
