why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
