is your mom at the bar?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
