can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
