Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
