So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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