It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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