and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
