Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize