She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Sorry about my life...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
