Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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