the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
