My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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