I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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