All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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