when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She's the barista slut.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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