hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
