Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize