my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
