went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
