Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
