STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He passed out mid-signature
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize